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# Issue No. 21: ChatGPT doesn’t understand you. You might not care.
- URL: https://www.gabriellas-edit.com/issue-no-21-chatgpt-doesn-t-understand-you-you-might-not-care/
- Published: 2026-08-27T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-08-27T16:00:00.000Z
- Description: I used AI to process a friendship spiral after exhausting my entire phone book—and accidentally learned why feeling heard can matter more than getting good advice. Plus: a Russian River trip held together by bungees and denial, two survival-approved outfits, an extremely necessary bathroom-counter i
- Author: Gabriella Quansah
- Tags: Issue No. 21, Issues, #newsletter, #Import 2026-08-28 20:13

***Career. Style. Restaurants. Life upgrades. And whatever else happens to be living rent-free in my brain that week. Every Thursday. Happy you’re here!**

## BOOKMARK THIS

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🤎My ShopMy for outfits, shoes, accessories, and everything I wear in posts/reels/newsletters:  
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![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/fb5527c8-514c-4768-8f38-5ae65a647a8e/no._21_copy.png?t=1787813725)

## What’s Got Me Thinking This Week

**I went to the Russian River expecting floating, sunshine and snacks.**

What I got was a group exercise in logistics, rope management and trying to remain emotionally attached to an inflatable tube.

The entire boating situation was a disaster.😂

I’ll share more once I’ve fully processed what happened, but I did learn that a waterproof phone pouch (not just for me but for all parties), a soft cooler and several aggressively secured bungee cords are apparently the difference between a relaxing river day and a maritime emergency.

The outfits were cute, though.

And sometimes that is enough.

**My actual survive-the-river list →**  
[https://amzn.to/4xBVOdD](https://amzn.to/4xBVOdD?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

Visit [Ask the Archive →](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) for more details

## **THE BIG THOUGHT**

***ChatGPT doesn’t understand you. You might not care.***

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/e3f59e49-47e6-4f4b-a520-d53aa3594fff/IMG_0869.JPG?t=1787809287)](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/6708825?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**A few weeks ago, I was dealing with a difficult situation with a friend.**

And by “dealing with,” I mean replaying every interaction, analyzing every sentence and giving my brain absolutely no opportunity to discuss anything else.

Naturally, I called everyone.

My mom.

My dad…well I love my dad but maybe not him. By my dad I mean my rough, tough love, bestie.

Paak.

My friends.

Basically my entire phone book had already received the director’s cut, bonus footage and post-show analysis.

And I still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I didn’t have a therapist at the time. Even if I had, therapy is expensive, scheduling takes time and—if we’re being honest—admitting your least flattering thoughts to another human can feel deeply embarrassing.

Especially when there’s a tiny possibility that you might be wrong.

Horrifying.

**So I opened ChatGPT and told it the entire story.**

Every detail.

Every interpretation.

Every sentence that had been replaying in my head for days.

And no, I don’t necessarily think it gave me the “right” answer.

It only knew my version of events. It couldn’t know what my friend was thinking. It couldn’t read the room, hear her tone or pull information from the parts of the story I may have conveniently left out.

But something strange happened anyway.

I felt better.

Not because ChatGPT understood me.

Because it let me finish.

**Maybe that’s the part we’re actually craving.**

Think about the last time someone made you feel genuinely heard.

They probably looked at you while you spoke.

They reacted to what you were saying.

They asked a question that proved they hadn’t spent the previous three minutes waiting for their turn.

Maybe they even started talking, stopped themselves and said:

### “Wait—I’ll let you finish.”

That tiny sentence can feel like an act of love.

**Now compare that with talking to someone who is answering emails while you speak, barely looking up and moving to the next topic without ever circling back.**

Technically, they heard every word.

Emotionally, you may as well have been explaining your crisis to a houseplant.

AI is not empathetic. It doesn’t care about my friendship. It didn’t lie awake afterward wondering whether we worked things out.

But it reflected my thoughts back to me, asked another question and gave me enough uninterrupted space to hear what I was actually saying.

And apparently, that was what I needed.

**This does not mean ChatGPT is my therapist now.**

Let’s remain calm.

AI can be wrong. It can reinforce the way you framed a situation. It can produce an extremely confident answer based on incomplete or inaccurate information.

**It also cannot replace a qualified professional who understands your history, notices patterns over time and knows when a situation requires more than a very articulate robot saying, “That sounds difficult.”**

But I do think it reveals something interesting about us.

Maybe we don’t always need someone to immediately solve the problem.

Maybe we don’t even need them to completely understand it.

**Sometimes we need enough room to finish the thought.**

To hear ourselves say the thing out loud.

To slow down long enough to recognize what we’re actually feeling beneath the twelve supporting arguments we prepared.

ChatGPT didn’t resolve my friendship situation.

But it interrupted the loop long enough for me to breathe, reconsider my perspective and respond from a slightly less unhinged place.

Honestly?

**Not bad for a machine that has never had a friend.**

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/3628aeae-3321-41db-bd5b-e568b5deb863/Tezza-3792.JPG?t=1787809571)](https://amzn.to/4c6CdJR?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## ***WHAT I WORE***

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/de99d956-3b9a-4799-9c3f-0ea68a085453/EC32E518-83B6-4F6B-B3D7-D84A8008FBA8.JPG?t=1787809646)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15/photo/amzn1.shoppablemedia.v1.3ff8d367-3d6a-4039-af47-2b0c884c5b1c?ref%5F=aipsfphoto&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**The river outfit that kept the important things attached to me**

### What it is

A cream crochet halter with beaded details layered over a brown swimsuit, plus layered necklaces and a crossbody bag.

### Why it worked

For a river day, the brief was simple:

Comfortable.

Cute.

Capable of getting wet.

And ideally nothing disappears downstream.

The crochet texture made it feel like a real outfit, while the swimsuit underneath meant I didn’t have to keep changing every time the plan shifted from eating snacks to pretending we knew what we were doing on the water.

### Perfect for:

- River days
- Boat days
- Beach stops
- Vacation afternoons
- Plans where not losing your belongings is the main priority

**Shop the look →** **[here](https://amzn.to/4xZ3aaz?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

## Nine courses, one oversized T-shirt

### What it is

An oversized charcoal graphic tee with black bottoms, a black waist bag and white cowboy boots.

### Why it worked

Texas was hot.

Clementine had approximately nine courses waiting for us.

I needed an outfit that could survive both.

The oversized tee kept everything comfortable, while the boots and accessories made it feel intentional enough for dinner. This is exactly why I love an outfit where one dramatic piece does all the work and everything else gets to relax.

### Perfect for:

- Casual tasting menus
- Very hot dinner plans
- Texas weekends
- Winery lunches
- When you want to eat nine courses without negotiating with your waistband

**Shop the look →** **[here](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15/photo/amzn1.shoppablemedia.v1.15095053-b7a5-4a8e-b488-795c5b47ee29?ref%5F=aipsfphoto&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/a7b5f776-d32d-420b-a4e0-a872e23b3628/Tezza-0559.jpeg?t=1787809899)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15/photo/amzn1.shoppablemedia.v1.1128afc5-6145-4221-9609-ae854472d797?ref%5F=aipsfphoto&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## ***One Thing I Learned***

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/6e9b0152-4269-4062-abe4-c39de0a1cb1c/Tezza-1037.JPG?t=1787810057)](https://amzn.to/4z73KV8?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## **The concept:** *The ELIZA Effect*

**The ELIZA Effect describes our tendency to attribute human understanding, empathy or intention to technology when its responses feel convincingly personal.**

The term came from ELIZA, an early chatbot created in the 1960s. One version imitated a therapist largely by reflecting a user’s words back as questions.

People still formed an emotional connection with it.

****In plain English…**

If something responds like it understands us, our brains may start filling in the rest.

### A modern example

You tell an AI:

“I feel like my friend doesn’t respect me.”

It responds:

“What happened that made you feel disrespected?”

That is not empathy.

But it can still feel more attentive than telling a person the same story while they answer Slack messages.

****What I’m stealing from this…**

A thoughtful reflection and one good follow-up question may be more useful than immediately offering a solution.

Technology doesn’t have to understand us to expose how rarely we give one another our full attention.

****Maybe advice is the least helpful thing we keep giving people.**

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/ebb3a58c-22e8-4936-807a-519145dc47a5/IMG_8355.JPG?t=1787810159)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15/photo/amzn1.shoppablemedia.v1.09276c38-b268-4082-b7d3-99b079cb4f52?ref%5F=aipsfphoto&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**Maybe advice is the least helpful thing we keep giving people.**

I have a confession.

I may be the unsolicited-advice criminal.

I love playing devil’s advocate. I have a tough-love best friend. My instinct is often to examine every possible perspective and start building a tiny legal case before the other person has even finished talking.

Sometimes that is useful.

Sometimes the person just wanted to vent, and suddenly I’m defending someone they hate.

Not ideal.

I’ve also noticed how quickly we make someone else’s story about ourselves.

They tell us what happened, and within thirty seconds we’re saying:

“That reminds me of when I—”

Ma’am.

It was still their turn.

And then there’s minimizing.

“At least it wasn’t worse.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Don’t let it bother you.”

Very efficient. The problem has now been emotionally solved by pretending it wasn’t that bad.

**Not every problem needs your little solution, babe.**

The best listeners I know don’t say nothing.

They listen first.

They ask questions.

They give the person enough space to tell the whole story before offering a counterpoint, a personal example or the tough-love observation they probably do need to hear eventually.

I’m trying to ask one question before I launch into my extremely important analysis:

**Do you want me to listen, ask questions or help you make a plan?**

Because those are three completely different jobs.

Someone can want honesty without wanting immediate criticism.

They can want advice without wanting you to take over.

They can need tough love and still deserve tenderness first.

Maybe the goal isn’t to say the smartest thing in the conversation.

Maybe it’s to make sure the other person doesn’t leave feeling smaller than when they arrived.

[Ask the Archive →](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## ***WHERE WE ATE***

![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/0cc75e60-409e-47cf-a491-f4ed2481d39f/Tezza-9714.JPG?t=1787810363)

Flour & Water - Pasta Shop

## The low-effort pasta plan

### Flour + Water Pasta Shop

I am tired this week, so please accept this as a researched save rather than one of my dramatic, highly specific restaurant investigations.

Flour + Water Pasta Shop is the casual Mission version of a pasta night: a lunch destination, bottle shop and pasta-production space where you can grab handmade pasta without committing to the full special-occasion production.

![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/9efc98f6-bbfd-4793-a3dc-65dddc5262b4/Tezza-9713.JPG?t=1787810405)

Flour & Water - Pasta Shop

It feels perfect for the nights when you want something significantly better than cooking but don’t want dinner to become an event with a dress code and three calendar invites.

### Perfect for:

- Casual pasta dates
- Lunch in the Mission
- Picking up fresh pasta for home
- A low-lift dinner plan
- People who want excellent carbs without ceremonial behavior

![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/4abfcd85-c4a1-4e06-a63c-a0927e30115f/Tezza-5588.JPG?t=1787810452)

Flour & Water - Pasta Shop

**Save it →** **[here](https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=Flour+%2B+Water+Pasta+Shop+3000+20th+St+San+Francisco+CA&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

*👉*[*Live list here*](https://maps.app.goo.gl/whjMcnoyChCSGhzb9?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## More reservations worth making

**SF**

**When everyone wants a different kind of Japanese food**

### Kuriya Japanese Kitchen

Kuriya is the cozy Albany Japanese kitchen for the table that wants nigiri, ramen, curry and cooked dishes—and somehow expects one restaurant to resolve all of those cravings.

### Perfect for:

- Casual weeknight dinners
- Mixed-craving groups
- Sushi plus something warm
- Low-key neighborhood plans

**Save it →**  
[https://maps.app.goo.gl/2zj2Md4PvwKgeaWc8](https://maps.app.goo.gl/2zj2Md4PvwKgeaWc8?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Not Everyone Can Live in SF: Tri-Valley Edition

### Meadowlark Dairy

Meadowlark Dairy has been serving Pleasanton since 1919, and its original drive-through soft serve is still the entire point. Check the rotating flavor, grab a cone without leaving the car and enjoy a dessert stop with considerably more local history than the average froyo run.

### Perfect for:

- 🍦An after-dinner detour
- ☀️ A hot Tri-Valley afternoon
- 🚗Making errands considerably less depressing
- 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦An easy family stop
- ✨Anyone who believes soft serve tastes better with a tiny backstory

**Save the spot →**  
[https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZvTDEFmUhqp78F2a6](https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZvTDEFmUhqp78F2a6?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Sushi for the group chat with dietary negotiations

### Sakana & Yasai

An intimate Solano Avenue sushi spot with nigiri, sashimi, creative rolls and a surprisingly thoughtful vegetarian lane.

Save it for the group where one person wants toro and another would prefer dinner not touch a fish.

### Perfect for:

- Casual sushi nights
- Vegetarian-friendly groups
- Easy date night
- Solano Avenue dinners

**Save it →**  
[https://maps.app.goo.gl/tZ1XknL276nWf5H9A](https://maps.app.goo.gl/tZ1XknL276nWf5H9A?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

*👉*[*Live list here*](https://maps.app.goo.gl/BwByA8xkrNBzJqGb7?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**NYC**

### New York City: Matcha 116

Every drink at this tiny Greenwich Village café is hand-whisked to order—including banana and orange-miso matcha lattes. Save it for the friend who can immediately taste when the matcha came from a sad premixed jug.

### Perfect for:

- 🍵A West Village matcha run
- 🚶A little walking-around drink
- 👯Catching up without committing to brunch
- 🍌Trying a matcha order that isn’t painfully predictable

**Save the spot →**  
[https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=Matcha%20116%20116%20MacDougal%20St%20New%20York%20NY%2010012](https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=Matcha+116+116+MacDougal+St+New+York+NY+10012&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

*👉*[*Live list here*](https://maps.app.goo.gl/yJKoxfuiB77sbNNWA?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**LA**

### Los Angeles: Mish Delicatessen

Mish is a modern Jewish deli on La Brea for anyone who wants a pastrami sandwich and a room with an actual point of view. Go for the wood-fired bagels, hand-carved pastrami or brisket—and keep an eye on the upstairs vinyl listening lounge for curated evening events.

### Perfect for:

- 🥯A casual LA lunch
- 🍖Serious sandwich cravings
- 🎶Food people who also collect records
- ✨Trying somewhere that still feels like a find

**Save the spot →**  
[https://mishdeli.com/](https://mishdeli.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

*👉*[*Live list here*](https://maps.app.goo.gl/5rGdm5hKpDr7HtXbA?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## **HIS EDIT**

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/91869bf3-5d78-4b55-9607-5d3e80786792/IMG_7962.jpeg?t=1787810665)](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/7115547?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## **PAAK’S PICKS**

### The record-store date uniform

Paak has perfected the “I made an effort, but I’m absolutely not wearing a blazer” outfit.

He paired an oversized white embroidered Zara shirt with wide black pleated trousers and black leather Chelsea boots. The black-and-white palette keeps everything clean, while the relaxed proportions make it feel significantly cooler than standard dinner clothes.

### Perfect for:

- 🎶Record-store dates
- 🍸 Drinks and dinner
- 🖼️ Gallery nights
- 🌃Evenings when a T-shirt feels too casual
- 🕺Looking put together without looking overstyled

### Paak’s rule:

When the proportions are relaxed, keep the contrast clean.

**Shop the shirt →** **[here](https://www.zara.com/us/en/fluid-embroidered-shirt-p07545430.html?v1=495675284&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

**Shop the trousers →** **[here](https://www.zara.com/us/en/pleated-relaxed-fit-pants-p06861391.html?v1=495716591&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

**Shop the boots →** **[here](https://www.stevemadden.com/products/aldair-black?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)**

## *THINGS MAKING LIFE EASIER*

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/7e050c24-887e-4001-8ac1-22fefc54d10d/811Sfl3zM8L._AC_SL1500_.jpg?t=1787810856)](https://amzn.to/3Uln3u1?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## The bathroom-counter intervention

I kept buying products to organize the cabinet underneath my sink.

The problem?

I did not want my things underneath the sink.

I wanted them within grabbing distance without making my bathroom counter look like the skincare aisle had been burglarized.

This organizer has two tiers, drawers and a spot for hair tools, which means the products can stay accessible while I continue pretending I am naturally organized.

### Perfect for:

- Small bathroom counters
- Hair-tool chaos
- Anyone tired of digging under the sink
- Making a cluttered routine feel slightly more adult

**Shop →**  
[https://amzn.to/3Uln3u1](https://amzn.to/3Uln3u1?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[![](https://media.beehiiv.com/uploads/asset/file/653ffa7d-3ee4-4090-89c9-f35961e1620b/51A30zwlywL._SL1500_.jpg?t=1787810866)](https://amzn.to/4gn1DoT?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## The lip serum texture is doing things to me

The Anua PDRN Lip Serum is one of those products where the texture immediately makes it feel more luxurious than it has any right to.

Glossy, cushiony and hydrating without feeling like I coated my mouth in craft glue.

Man oh man.

The texture!!!

### Perfect for:

- Dry lips
- Gloss lovers
- Nightstand skincare
- Anyone who wants hydration with shine

**Shop →**  
[https://amzn.to/4gn1DoT](https://amzn.to/4gn1DoT?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## **CLOSING VIBES**

## Tiny chaos: the Russian River survival kit

The trip may have been a logistical crisis, but it did produce a very specific list of things I would never attempt the river without again.

Waterproof phone pouch.

Bungees.

Soft cooler.

Can koozies.

Oversized towel.

An inflatable tube that hopefully remains in your possession.

The glamorous realities of summer.

**Shop the survival list →**  
[https://amzn.to/4xBVOdD](https://amzn.to/4xBVOdD?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**Currently eating: Trader Joe’s strawberry-corn muffins**

I saw the strawberry-corn muffin mix and assumed it would become one of those products I buy because the packaging convinced me I have hobbies.

But I actually made them.

They’re sweet, slightly savory and have a cornflake crunch situation happening on top.

Trader Joe’s, you’ve done it again.

## Currently watching: The Girls

The full title is *The Girls: A Khloé Kardashian Project*, which feels important because this is not merely a show.

It is a project.

The Hulu series follows Khloé’s inner circle through motherhood, dating, marriage, business and the inevitable resurfacing of old drama.

Do I need another reality show involving people whose casual lunches look like press events?

No.

Will I be watching?

Obviously.

**Watch on Hulu →**  
[https://www.hulu.com/series/the-girls-a-khloe-kardashian-project](https://www.hulu.com/series/the-girls-a-khloe-kardashian-project?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

And that is everything currently occupying my brain, bathroom counter and restaurant list.

See you next week.🤎