> ## Content Index
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# Issue No. 23: We’re all drinking less. Unfortunately, we still have to talk to each other.
- URL: https://www.gabriellas-edit.com/issue-no-23-were-all-drinking-less-unfortunately-we-still-have-to-talk-to-each-other/
- Published: 2026-09-10T17:30:34.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-10T17:30:34.000Z
- Author: Gabriella Quansah
- Tags: #template

Alcohol may be losing its grip on the group chat, but the awkward first hour of the party is alive and well. This week: what replaces the social shortcut, why I built [The Niitty Griitty](https://theniittygriitty.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), the small-talk formula I’m stealing, three restaurants worth saving, date-night outfits, and the platform heels that somehow remained comfortable.

*Career. Style. Restaurants. Life upgrades. And whatever else happens to be living rent-free in my brain that week. Every Thursday. Happy you’re here!*

---

## BOOKMARK THIS

🤎 [Ask the Archive](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) — your shortcut to every recommendation, restaurant map, and answer

🤎 [The Niitty Griitty](https://theniittygriitty.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) — big questions, real receipts, and the opinions already living in the group chat

🤎 [My Amazon storefront](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) — finds, beauty, home, and little life purchases

🤎 [My ShopMy](https://shopmy.us/gabriiellas?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) — outfits, shoes, accessories, and everything I wear

🤎 [Barry’s free first class](https://share.barrys.com/gabbysep15!4ba0f95fc8!a?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

🤎 Subscribe for a discount on your first lash appointment at Pampered Nail Salon — DM me after for the code

🤎 Subscribe for a discount on your first nail appointment at Blossom Nail Lounge — DM me after for the code

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/no.-23-5.png)

**Have you been to* [**Ask the Archive*](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) *yet? You should.* 

---

## What’s Got Me Thinking This Week

I have sooo many questions.

Some are useful. Some are nosy. Some begin at dinner, move to the group chat, and end with me opening ten tabs because three people on TikTok said three completely different things with equal confidence.

Sometimes I want facts. Sometimes I want to know what everybody else thinks. Usually I want both without having to watch 50 videos and conduct an independent research study before bed.

So I made [The Niitty Griitty](https://theniittygriitty.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com).

### The internet has a lot of opinions. I would like an answer.

The Niitty Griitty is where we investigate the slightly awkward questions about money, work, friendship, beauty, and modern life that everyone debates but nobody actually explains.

Questions like:

- Is everyone rich, in debt, or just really good at cropping?
- When did your face become a monthly bill?
- Can you still afford to have friends?
- Is AI saving you time—or simply making you available for more work?

You can [ask a question](https://theniittygriitty.com/give-us-the-griitty?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), [answer one anonymously or with your name](https://theniittygriitty.com/weigh-in?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), see [how we investigate](https://theniittygriitty.com/how-we-investigate?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), or enter the new [Play room](https://theniittygriitty.com/play?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) for quizzes, social dilemmas, and games to open with friends, family, or whenever you are bored and ready to develop a new opinion.

Our first official investigation started with a very normal dinner-table disagreement:

### You ordered one drink. They ordered three. Are we still splitting the check evenly?

My personal answer has always been: I just split it.

But I was surprised by how many people felt very differently, which obviously meant I needed a wider sample size.

You can [weigh in on the check-splitting investigation here](https://theniittygriitty.com/questions/the-check-split?ref=gabriellas-edit.com).

We’re mixing credible research with real opinions, explaining where the evidence agrees or gets complicated, and updating the answer as new responses arrive.

We reserve the right to change our minds.

Growth!

---

## THE BIG THOUGHT

## We’re all drinking less. Unfortunately, we still have to talk to each other.

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/Tezza-5777-1.jpg)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15?ref%5F=cm%5Fsw%5Fr%5Fcp%5Fud%5Faipsfshop%5F1S0T9MCY4JETD3F6BVH9&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**Have you been to* [**Ask the Archive*](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) *yet? You should.* 

Drinking is at a record low.

Which you have probably heard approximately 700 times by now.

But I’m less interested in what disappeared from the glass than I am in what the drink was quietly doing for us.

Because first dates, work events, weddings, parties, and the terrible arrive-alone portion of the evening still expect us to become social and fun on command.

And ugh…it is hard.

It is hard to feel comfortable in silence. It is hard to feel fun when everyone else appears to have entered the room with a fully activated personality.

### The first hour of any event involving “mixing” is always the worst.

After that, people settle in. Someone starts telling a real story. The group finds a common enemy. The playlist improves. Everything becomes less formal.

But the first hour?

That is a lot of standing around, asking what someone does for work, and pretending you are deeply interested in the architectural history of the venue.

A drink can break the ice. It can make you feel less jittery. It gives your hands a job and creates something for people to bond over before they have discovered anything else they share.

At weddings and parties, people get closer after a drink. They spill the beans. They become emotional. Suddenly someone you met 45 minutes ago is explaining a situation with her sister that began in 2009.

Human connection!

### But why does alcohol get to decide whether I’m fun?

I lived many years without it.

I have been funny, social, interesting, and capable of talking to people without a drink in my hand. So why does entering certain rooms still make alcohol feel like the button that activates those qualities?

According to [Gallup](https://news.gallup.com/poll/713534/americans-drinking-remains-record-low.aspx?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), 54% of American adults said they drink alcohol in 2026—the lowest level in its polling history, which dates back to 1939.

The age breakdown is interesting too. In combined 2024–2025 data, [50% of adults ages 18–34 said they drink](https://news.gallup.com/poll/467507/percentage-americans-drink-alcohol.aspx?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), compared with 63% of people ages 35–54 and 55% of adults 55 and older.

So yes, younger adults are drinking less.

And for those of us who grew up around drinking culture, the shift can feel a little strange.

I mean, they will never know the specific thrill of a good college beer-pong game.

PUH LEEEASE.

### But drinking may not be the only form of interaction disappearing.

The [Bureau of Labor Statistics](https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) found that 30% of people socialized or communicated with others on an average day in 2025, compared with 38% in 2015\. The average time spent doing it also fell from 41 minutes to 35 minutes.

That does not prove COVID or AI caused the decline. The data cannot tell us that.

But I do keep wondering about the combination.

Younger generations went through formative years during COVID. Now we have AI answering questions, completing work, helping us research, and handling interactions that once required asking another person.

We can get directions without stopping someone. Learn almost anything without raising our hand. Work through a problem without walking over to a coworker’s desk.

We can apparently even develop relationships with robots now, but that is a separate spiral for another week.

### So what happens when drinking culture declines at the same time we get fewer opportunities to practice being with people?

There is a very reasonable upside to drinking less.

There is something meaningful about being of sound mind and learning that you can break through a personal barrier without help. You can survive the uncomfortable arrival, make the first joke, ask the better question, and stay present when the conversation pauses.

The goal is not to become anti-drinking or turn every mocktail order into a moral achievement.

It is to notice what the drink was doing for you.

Was it calming the jitters?

Giving you an activity?

Making you feel more interesting?

Helping you stay when your first instinct was to leave?

Because once you know the job, you can start building another way to do it.

Maybe the replacement for drinking culture is not another product, ritual, or perfectly formulated nonalcoholic beverage.

### Maybe it is learning to feel awkward—and staying long enough for the real conversation to begin anyway.

---

## One Thing I Learned

## Safety behaviors

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/Tezza-8949.JPG)](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/7534341?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**Have you been to* [**Ask the Archive*](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) *yet? You should.* 

### The concept

Psychologists use “safety behaviors” to describe the things people do to prevent embarrassment, reduce anxiety, or protect themselves from a feared outcome.

In a social setting, that might look like staying beside the one person you know, rehearsing every sentence before saying it, avoiding eye contact, checking your phone, or holding onto a drink because it gives you something to do.

These behaviors can make the moment easier.

But [research on social safety behaviors](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27816080/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) suggests they can also keep people from learning that the situation might have gone perfectly fine without them.

### In plain English

If the night goes well, you do not think:

“I handled that.”

You think:

“Thank God I had the drink, the phone, the rehearsed questions, and my emotional-support friend standing three inches away.”

The crutch gets all the credit.

To be very clear, I am not diagnosing everyone who has a cocktail at a party. Sometimes a drink is simply a drink.

But it is worth asking whether we occasionally use alcohol as proof that we could not have handled the room without it.

### What I’m stealing from this

I do not need to remove every source of comfort and walk into a work event emotionally naked.

I can practice one skill at a time:

- Arrive with one opening question
- Ask one real follow-up
- Stay through one conversational lull
- Introduce myself before reaching for my phone
- Notice when the awkwardness passes without an emergency intervention

The goal is not to feel completely comfortable.

The goal is to discover that being uncomfortable is survivable.

[Read the Centre for Clinical Interventions’ safety-behavior guide →](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/social-anxiety?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

---

## WHAT I WORE

## The date-night outfit with a second location built in

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/Screenshot-2026-09-10-at-6.59.06---AM.png)](https://shopmy.us/gabriiellas/posts?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

**Have you been to* [**Ask the Archive*](https://ask.gabriellas-edit.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com) *yet? You should.* 

### What it is

My Left Door and Camino Alto date-night look: a cropped beige trench, a long satin skirt, a brown shoulder bag, narrow sunglasses, and platform thong heels.

### Why it worked

The cropped jacket gave the longer skirt shape without requiring complicated outfit math. The neutral colors kept everything polished, while the sunglasses and platform heels stopped it from feeling too responsible.

And most importantly, the shoes survived dinner and drinks without becoming the enemy.

A rare achievement.

### Perfect for

- Dinner followed by cocktails
- Transitional weather
- Date nights with more than one location
- Looking polished without wearing anything that requires active management
- Anyone who wants height without entering into a blood feud with her shoes

[Shop the full outfit →](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/7534341?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[Shop the CUSHIONAIRE platform heels →](https://amzn.to/4gL7fcP?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

---

## WHERE WE ATE

## A brewery for the girls who do not necessarily want a beer

### Southern Pacific Brewing — San Francisco

*Partnership with Southern Pacific Brewing.*

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/Screenshot-2026-09-10-at-6.57.23---AM.png)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15?ref%5F=cm%5Fsw%5Fr%5Fcp%5Fud%5Faipsfshop%5F1S0T9MCY4JETD3F6BVH9%5F1&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

Okay, Southern Pacific is officially my answer for the group that wants brewery energy but does not necessarily want a beer.

It is a huge Mission District space with beer, cocktails, a full bar, food, and enough room for everybody to catch up without sitting directly on top of another table.

And the staff was so friendly.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/IMG_9570.jpeg)

### What we ordered

- Sage fries
- Buffalo cauliflower
- Cobb salad
- Lemon-pepper wings
- Coconut wings

The food was actually really good. The sage fries, buffalo cauliflower, salad, and both wing flavors all did their jobs.

And because this was serious editorial research, we also had to investigate the [Honey Deuce slushie](https://www.instagram.com/p/Dc6zdvzyy9g/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com).

Extremely unserious.

Exactly why it belongs in the order.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/IMG_9584.jpeg)

### Perfect for

- Casual after-work girls’ nights
- Groups where some people want beer and others absolutely do not
- Birthday drinks without formal-dinner energy
- A large group that needs actual space
- Catching up over several plates instead of committing to one dramatic entrée

[Save Southern Pacific Brewing on Google Maps →](https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=Southern%20Pacific%20Brewing%20620%20Treat%20Ave%20San%20Francisco%20CA%2094110&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[See the full menu →](https://www.southernpacificbrewing.com/menu?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## More reservations worth making

### Bay Area Save: LITA — Walnut Creek

LITA is Walnut Creek’s birthday move for Caribbean-Latin food, tropical cocktails, and a Miami-inspired room that is already prepared for someone’s photos.

The current menu also includes a full “sober curious” section with nonalcoholic drinks, which makes this an especially appropriate save for this week.

The move when “somewhere cute” needs to become an actual reservation.

### Perfect for

- Birthday dinners
- Girls’ nights
- A celebratory dinner without driving into San Francisco
- Groups that want both cocktails and thoughtful nonalcoholic options
- Anyone hoping the restaurant will handle some of the party energy

[Save LITA on Google Maps →](https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=LITA%201602%20Bonanza%20St%20Walnut%20Creek%20CA%2094596&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

### NYC Save: Nubeluz — NoMad

Nubeluz is the 50th-floor cocktail when the skyline needs to do some of the hosting.

The José Andrés bar sits above The Ritz-Carlton New York, NoMad, with polished drinks and 270-degree city views. This is for the evening when everybody understood that “drinks” meant wearing the outfit you have been saving.

### Perfect for

- Birthday cocktails
- Date night
- Taking an out-of-town friend somewhere appropriately New York
- A dressy drink before or after dinner
- Anyone who believes the view should be responsible for at least 40% of the evening

[Save Nubeluz on Google Maps →](https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=Nubeluz%2025%20W%2028th%20St%20New%20York%20NY%2010001&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

---

## How to sound 10x smarter in a room

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/Tezza-1823.JPG)

### Stop trying to sound 10x smarter.

The worst version of small talk feels like two people exchanging LinkedIn profiles aloud.

Where do you work?

Where are you from?

How do you know the host?

What do you do for fun?

All perfectly normal questions. Together, they can make a conversation feel like the early stages of a background check.

### Small talk is not the conversation. It is the on-ramp.

The goal is not to say something brilliant immediately.

It is to find the one detail that makes the other person stop giving you their standard answer.

The easiest formula I have found is:

### Observation → low-stakes opinion → follow-up.

At a work event:

“This is my first time at this one. What part is actually worth paying attention to?”

At a party:

“Okay, important question: what song always gets you onto the dance floor?”

At dinner:

“Are we sharing everything, or are we pretending to share everything and then quietly protecting our favorite plate?”

Then stay with the answer.

“Wait—how did that happen?”

“What surprised you?”

“Was that always the plan?”

“What is the part people usually misunderstand?”

You do not need another question. You need one real follow-up.

And when the conversation is over, leave like a normal person:

“I’m going to make a lap, but I’m glad we talked.”

No fake phone call. No mysterious roommate emergency. No twenty-minute sideways shuffle toward the door.

The smartest person in the room is usually not the person using the biggest words.

### It is the person who makes everybody else more interesting.

---

## HIS EDIT — PAAK’S PICKS

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/IMG_9332-2.jpeg)](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/7534705?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Paak’s red-and-white date-night formula

### What he’s wearing

A red Los Angeles Dodgers ’47 Hitch cap, cropped white Uniqlo shirt, washed ultra-baggy Abercrombie jeans, and red adidas Ballerina Bad Bunny Flamboyan shoes.

### Why it works

The cropped shirt balances the very wide denim, so the proportions look intentional instead of like his pants are attempting a hostile takeover.

The red hat and shoes repeat the same accent color from top to bottom, which pulls the whole outfit together without making it overly coordinated.

### Perfect for

- Date night
- Dinner followed by cocktails
- Concerts
- Casual plans that still need a point of view
- Anyone committed to wide-leg jeans but unwilling to look swallowed by them

### Paak’s unofficial rule

**When the pants are doing this much, keep the top clean and repeat one color twice.**

[Shop his full outfit →](https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/7534705?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[Shop the red Dodgers cap →](https://abercrombie.app.link/?$deeplink%5Fpath=product%2Fcollection%2F9609191%2Fkic%2FKIC%5F112%2D5070%2D00216%2D530%3FshortSku%3D662995721&$desktop%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.abercrombie.com%2Fshop%2Fus%2Fp%2Fnew%2Dyork%2Dyankees%2D47%2Dhitch%2Dcap%2D60035341%3Fofp%3Dtrue&$og%5Ftitle=Los%20Angeles%20Dodgers%20%2747%20Hitch%20Cap&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[Shop the cropped white shirt →](https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E484928-000/00?colorDisplayCode=00&sizeDisplayCode=006&pldDisplayCode=000&utm%5Fmedium=social&utm%5Fsource=appshare)

[Shop the ultra-baggy jeans →](https://abercrombie.app.link/?$deeplink%5Fpath=product%2Fcollection%2F549189%2Fkic%2FKIC%5F131%2D4228%2D00221%2D278&$desktop%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.abercrombie.com%2Fshop%2Fus%2Fp%2Fultra%2Dbaggy%2Djean%2D57768819%3Fofp%3Dtrue&$og%5Ftitle=Ultra%20Baggy%20Jean&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

[Shop the adidas Ballerina Bad Bunny Flamboyan →](https://stockx.com/adidas-ballerina-bad-bunny-flamboyan?utm%5Fsource=app&utm%5Fmedium=nativeshare&utm%5Fcampaign=productpage)

---

## THINGS MAKING LIFE EASIER

## CUSHIONAIRE Bera Platform Thong Sandals

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/71XqmWoMzeL._AC_SY695_.jpg)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15?ref%5F=cm%5Fsw%5Fr%5Fcp%5Fud%5Faipsfshop%5F1S0T9MCY4JETD3F6BVH9%5F2&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

I have received so many compliments on these heels—and they are seriously comfortable.

Not “comfortable considering what they look like.”

Actually comfortable.

The platform gives me the height I want without concentrating the entire evening’s suffering into the ball of my foot. They worked for a dinner-and-drinks date night, which means they passed the second-location test.

I now need more colors.

Obviously.

### Perfect for

- Date nights
- Weddings and parties
- Dinner followed by somewhere else
- Anyone who wants height without agreeing to limp home
- The rare occasion when comfortable and cute are willing to cooperate

[Shop →](https://amzn.to/4gL7fcP?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Aelfric Eden Oversized Doberman Graphic Tee

[![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c3/39/c3392474-380a-44ad-82cb-cc4e18b95ed0/content/images/2026/09/71nJqtJl7DL._AC_SX679_.jpg)](https://www.amazon.com/shop/gabriiellas15?ref%5F=cm%5Fsw%5Fr%5Fcp%5Fud%5Faipsfshop%5F1S0T9MCY4JETD3F6BVH9%5F2&ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

This tee is grungy and fun at the same time—the easiest way to make a hot-weather outfit feel more interesting when adding another layer would be personally offensive.

Throw it on with a mini, shorts, or wide-leg denim and the graphic does most of the styling work.

The heat has rejected layering.

The shirt has agreed to bring the personality instead.

### Perfect for

- Hot-weather outfits
- Casual dinners
- Concerts
- Streetwear without complicated styling
- Days when a basic tee feels too basic but the temperature has eliminated all other options

[Shop →](https://amzn.to/4A6NOTh?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

---

## CLOSING VIBES

## Watching: The Gentlemen, Season Two

I started season two because it just came out, and I already love it.

The show is back with eight episodes of stylish British crime, expensive clothes, and people making terrible decisions in beautiful rooms.

According to Netflix, Eddie is no longer simply trying to survive the criminal world—he is attempting to expand his place in it.

I personally struggle to scale my laundry system, but good for him.

[See the season details →](https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/the-gentlemen-season-2-release-date-photos?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Finished Watching: Furious

Also so good!!

*Furious* follows an FBI agent hunting a female serial killer as their individual ideas about justice begin to blur.

It is dark, twisty, slightly over-the-top, and full of characters making choices that allow me to feel briefly responsible by comparison.

Liz Meriwether is an executive producer, which helps explain why the character dynamics feel unusually sharp for a crime thriller.

[Watch on Hulu →](https://www.hulu.com/series/furious-5d4924b7-1cde-47c3-8852-f30bdd7fe979?ref=gabriellas-edit.com)

## Current Life Admin: Getting back to the gym

My gym schedule has been completely off.

There has been so much travel this month, plus two birthdays—mine and my husband’s—and I am feeling extremely grateful.

But also…

I have to get back to the gym.

Ughhhh.

Apparently gratitude and avoiding the treadmill can exist at the same time.

---

## FRIDAY’S BONUS

## The Sober Social Cheat Sheet

The complete cheat sheet lands Friday with exact lines for:

- Arriving alone
- Ordering without explaining your life
- Joining a group
- Starting a conversation
- Asking better follow-up questions
- Surviving the lull
- Handling first dates and work events
- Leaving without inventing an emergency

Because you do not need a brand-new personality.

You may just need three lines and somewhere to put your hands.

Stay tuned tomorrow!

---

Thank you for spending part of your week with me.

May your shoes survive the second location, your small talk become a real conversation, and the first hour of the party pass quickly.

Go explore [The Niitty Griitty](https://theniittygriitty.com/?ref=gabriellas-edit.com), tell me how you are splitting the check, and come back Friday for the cheat sheet.

See you next week. 🤎