Career. Style. Restaurants. Life upgrades. And whatever else happens to be living rent-free in my brain that week. Every Thursday. Happy you’re here!
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What’s got me thinking this week:
A few things living rent-free in my brain…
Greetings from Texas—and the eye incident that nearly ended me.
I’m in Texas through next week visiting my parents' new house...ya not them but their house w/ my mom and my brother who kinda lives there...anyways...the house is gorgeous!!
And when I say gorgeous…I mean I’ve already mentally planned approximately 47 photos, several outfit shoots, and an entire list of food recommendations before fully unpacking my suitcase.
The mornings here have been so peaceful. Coffee, sunshine, the pool, family time, and absolutely no urgency to be anywhere.
I fear I could get used to this.
Unfortunately, I did not arrive in Texas at my most glamorous.
Over the weekend, I got something stuck in my eye and became convinced I had scratched my cornea. We were very close to entering ER territory when Paak informed me that I looked like Quasimodo.
Not medically helpful.
But, in retrospect, unfortunately accurate.
Everything is okay now, but I’ll be trying a different nail salon and lash lady this week because apparently my beauty-maintenance routine has entered its experimental era.
Regular programming will resume once both of my eyes open at the same time.
THE BIG THOUGHT
Can honesty ever be selfish?
Can honesty ever be selfish?
I came across a completely unhinged relationship question online that I haven’t stopped thinking about.
Here’s the hypothetical:
Someone cheats once on a bachelor or bachelorette trip.
They know it will never happen again.
They deeply regret it.
Their partner would otherwise never find out.
Should they confess?
My immediate reaction was, obviously, yes.
You tell the truth.
You accept the consequences.
Case closed.
But then I read the argument against confessing:
What if telling the truth doesn’t actually help the person who was betrayed?
What if it simply allows the person who cheated to feel lighter?
They confess.
Their guilt is released.
And now their partner gets to carry the pain, doubt, insecurity, and completely altered version of the relationship.
The guilt didn’t disappear.
It changed owners.
Which made me wonder: Can a confession look like honesty while functioning like emotional outsourcing?
That is where my extremely confident answer became significantly less confident.
Psychologists who study secrecy have found that concealing something important can create its own cycle of preoccupation, suppression, guilt, and anxiety. Revealing a secret can help, but the benefits appear to depend on what the disclosure creates—support, insight, accountability—not merely the temporary relief of getting something off your chest.
So perhaps motivation matters.
Are you confessing because your partner deserves the truth?
Or because you can’t tolerate your own guilt anymore?
But then there’s the other side.
If you don’t tell them, you’ve taken away their ability to choose.
They don’t get to decide whether they could forgive it.
They don’t get to decide whether it changes the relationship.
They don’t get to decide whether staying is still right for them.
You’ve made that decision on their behalf and called it protection.
And is protecting someone from pain actually protecting them?
Or is it protecting yourself from the consequences?
That’s what makes this question so uncomfortable.
Confessing may transfer pain.
Keeping the secret may remove agency.
One person could be harmed by knowing.
But they’re also being denied the right to know something that might materially change their choice.
I don’t think there’s a neat little Edit answer here.
I do think honesty is more complicated than simply saying the true thing.
Maybe honesty also requires asking:
Why am I telling this person?
Who benefits from knowing?
Who bears the consequences?
What repair am I willing to do after the confession?
And would I still tell them if it didn’t make me feel any better?
Maybe the question isn’t whether honesty can be selfish.
Maybe it’s whether we’re willing to examine the story we tell ourselves about why we’re being honest in the first place.
I’m extremely curious where you land on this one.
WHAT I WORE
The ivory dress that did all the work for me.
What it is
A sleeveless ivory drop-waist maxi dress with black sunglasses and minimal jewelry for Lisa’s birthday.
Why it worked
The soft, longer silhouette made the outfit feel romantic and summery without becoming overly precious. It was comfortable enough for a full afternoon outside but still felt special enough for a birthday celebration.
This is my favorite category of dress: the kind that makes it look like I planned an entire outfit when I really just put on one thing.
Perfect for
- Garden birthdays
- Winery afternoons
- Summer celebrations
- Bridal events
- Daytime plans that become dinner
The oversized jersey that became the entire outfit.
What it is
An oversized green-and-black open-knit football jersey, styled with black bottoms, silver jewelry, a belt bag, and sunglasses for dinner at Bombera.
Why it worked
The jersey already had so much personality that everything else could stay simple. I loved the combination of the oversized shape with smaller, sleeker pieces underneath.
Comfortable?
Yes.
Subtle?
Absolutely not.
Exactly what I wanted.
Perfect for
- Lively dinners
- Girls’ night
- Concerts
- Oakland evenings
- When you want to be comfortable but still very clearly dressed
The corset-and-denim formula I keep coming back to.
What it is
A white eyelet corset with long light-wash denim shorts, a black belt, sunglasses, and white heels for Mae’s housewarming.
Why it worked
A fitted top with intentionally relaxed denim has become one of my easiest outfit formulas. The corset gives the look structure, while the longer shorts keep it casual and slightly unexpected.
It’s giving housewarming party.
It’s giving early-2000s music video.
It’s giving I absolutely considered whether I could sit comfortably before leaving the house.
Perfect for
- Rooftop anything LOL
- LA weekends
- Girls’ night
- Golden-hour photos
- Dinner followed by somewhere louder
Shop Mae’s housewarming look →
One Thing I Learned
The concept:Self-fulfilling prophecy
In plain English…
Sometimes our expectations change our behavior—and our behavior helps create the outcome we were afraid of in the first place.
For example:
“They probably don’t like me.”
So I stay quiet.
I don’t initiate a conversation.
I leave early.
No connection develops.
And then I think, “See? They didn’t like me.”
Or:
“This business probably won’t work.”
So I hesitate.
I post inconsistently.
I avoid telling people about it.
It doesn’t grow.
And then I say, “I knew it.”
The original prediction may not have been accurate.
But it influenced the behavior that helped make it true.
What I’m stealing from this…
Before accepting another prediction from my brain, I’m asking:
Did I decide this was true before I had any evidence?
And, perhaps more importantly:
How is believing this changing the way I’m showing up?
Sometimes “being realistic” is just fear wearing a blazer.
One thing I’ve noticed about myself:
Whenever I’m scared to do something, I suddenly become extremely realistic.
“I don’t think people would care.”
“The market is probably too saturated.”
“Someone else is already doing it.”
“I’m not sure I have the time.”
“It probably won’t work.”
Very mature.
Very responsible.
Very convenient.
Sometimes we genuinely are being realistic. There are financial limitations, timing issues, responsibilities, and consequences that positive thinking cannot magically remove.
But sometimes “I’m just being realistic” is one of the most socially acceptable ways to quit before we start.
Because no one argues with realistic.
It sounds grounded.
Thoughtful.
Almost strategic.
But fear rarely introduces itself as fear.
It usually shows up sounding incredibly reasonable.
“People will judge me if I start posting.”
“It’ll fail if I start the business.”
“They probably don’t like me, so I won’t go.”
“I don’t have time to do this as a mom.”
“Once I have kids, I won’t be able to accomplish everything I’m planning now.”
None of those statements are facts.
They’re predictions.
But when we label them realistic, they start sounding objective—and then we behave as if the outcome has already been decided.
If I convince myself the business won’t work, I won’t give it my best ideas.
If I assume people won’t like me, I’ll stay quiet and disconnected.
If I decide motherhood will end my ambition before I’ve even become a mother, I might rush, shrink, or abandon plans based on a future I haven’t lived.
We borrow fear from imaginary futures and call it preparation.
Then sometimes we create the exact outcome we predicted.
Not because we were realistic.
Because we behaved like the prediction was already true.
I’m not trying to replace every reasonable concern with blind optimism. I don’t need to stand in front of a mirror and tell myself every idea will become a billion-dollar company.
I’m simply trying to notice when logic is being used as a disguise.
Fear is rarely convincing enough on its own.
So sometimes it puts on a blazer, opens a spreadsheet, and presents a very professional case for staying exactly where we are.
Now, whenever I catch myself saying, “I’m just being realistic,” I’m trying to ask:
Is this actually realistic?
Or am I trying to protect myself from being disappointed?
WHERE WE ATE
Bombera - Oakland
Bombera — Oakland
The celebratory dinner that came with complimentary mezcal shots.
We went to Bombera to celebrate my girl Antoinette’s new career milestone, which apparently meant the evening required both excellent food and complimentary mezcal shots.
I support this corporate onboarding process.
Bombera - Oakland
Bombera has the kind of lively, warm energy that immediately makes dinner feel like an occasion. We ordered the beef tamales, smoked trout tostadas, spicy roasted carrots, chips and guacamole, and a beautiful layered cake that I believe was tres leches...
The smoked trout tostadas were bright, crunchy, and easy to share, while the tamales felt like the comforting order the table needed. I also love any restaurant capable of making a plate of carrots feel exciting. Crunch, char, sweet...man oh man.
Add the vibrant authentic decor, candlelight, excellent company, and several rings held together for photographic evidence, and it was exactly the celebratory girls’ dinner we wanted.
Perfect for
- Celebrating a big moment
- Girls’ dinner
- A lively date night
- Sharing several plates
- An Oakland night out
- Mezcal enthusiasts and mezcal victims
More reservations worth making
SF
For a cozy date night: Marina Beach — San Francisco
This South Asian-inspired Marina bistro feels warm, intimate, and ideal for a night when you want the food to be interesting but the atmosphere to remain relaxed. The menu rotates, giving you a reason to come back and see what has changed.
Perfect for
- Cozy date night
- Dinner with a curious eater
- Supporting a neighborhood spot
- Trying something new without a huge production
Before a Giants game: Bar Malone’s — San Francisco
Located near Oracle Park, Bar Malone’s combines seafood, cocktails, steak frites, and a gorgeous horseshoe bar. Order the extra-dirty Dirty Rotten Scoundrel with the raw bar—or settle in for dinner before the game.
Perfect for
- Pregame drinks
- Cocktail dates
- Seafood lovers
- Casual celebrations
- Anyone who judges a bar by its martini
For casual sushi: Elephant Sushi — San Francisco
Fresh sushi, friendly service, and a lively Hayes Valley setting make this an easy option when you want something reliable without turning dinner into a formal event.
Perfect for
- Casual date night
- Sushi with friends
- Hayes Valley plans
- Walk-ins
- A weeknight dinner that still feels fun
NYC
For pancakes worth waiting for: Golden Diner — New York
Golden Diner’s honey-butter pancakes are famous for a reason. The lines can become emotionally challenging, so make a reservation when possible and prepare accordingly.
Perfect for
- Weekend brunch
- Pancake people
- Chinatown plans
- Taking visitors somewhere buzzy
- Anyone willing to plan breakfast in advance
For a pizza walk-in: Fermento — New York
This West Village sourdough pizza spot serves everything from vodka slices to spicy pepperoni cups and broken burrata. It also has gluten-free options, which makes group pizza plans significantly easier.
Perfect for
- Casual bites
- West Village wandering
- A quick dinner
- Pizza with gluten-free friends
- When everyone wants a different slice
For dinner with a little tableside drama: Quality Bistro — New York
The bread-and-butter service at Quality Bistro is basically its own event: whipped butter, grilled bread, flaky salt, pepper, chili flakes, shallots, and a collection of savory extras.
Come for French dinner.
Stay because someone is seasoning butter tableside.
Perfect for
- Group dinners
- Celebrations
- Visitors
- Tableside theatrics
- People who correctly believe bread is a course
LA
For a French date night: Petit Trois — Los Angeles
Petit Trois is the tiny French dinner spot for burgers, steak frites, and chocolate soufflé. It feels special without requiring a full tasting-menu commitment.
Perfect for
- Date night
- Girls’ dinner
- Francophile behavior
- Burger and martini people
- Splitting a chocolate soufflé—or refusing to
For a low-key sushi night: Sora — Los Angeles
Fresh fish, hand rolls, and a beautiful Brentwood interior make Sora an easy middle ground between casual weeknight sushi and a proper date-night reservation.
Perfect for
- Casual date night
- Hand-roll cravings
- Dinner after work
- A polished but unfussy night out
For a Venice lunch: Bodega and Palms — Los Angeles
Part market, part café, and exactly the kind of place where a quick sandwich somehow becomes an entire afternoon. Stop for breakfast burritos, sandwiches, matcha, coffee, and the snacks you didn’t intend to buy.
Perfect for
- Casual lunch
- A Venice day
- Coffee and a walk
- Breakfast burritos
- Meeting a friend without making a formal reservation
HIS EDIT
PAAK’S PICKS
Relaxed tailoring is apparently his entire summer strategy.
What he’s wearing
Paak paired a cream Manière De Voir double-breasted shirt with a white tank, striped Abercrombie wide-leg trousers, black Duke + Dexter penny loafers, sunglasses, and a simple gold chain.
Why it works
The cream shirt and white tank keep the top half clean and tonal, while the striped trousers add just enough interest. Everything has a relaxed fit, but the loafers and jewelry make it feel intentional rather than oversized for the sake of being oversized.
Perfect for
- Rooftop birthdays
- Summer date night
- Vacation dinners
- Creative-office events
- A wedding-adjacent occasion
- Looking expensive without wearing a full suit
Paak’s style rule
When the silhouette is relaxed, keep the palette clean.
THINGS MAKING LIFE EASIER
BIODANCE Collagen Peptide Eye Patches
Very timely considering the week my eyeball has had.
These are an easy little under-eye step for mornings when I look tired, feel tired, or simply want to lie down for ten minutes and call it self-care.
Perfect for
- Tired mornings
- Travel
- Pre-event skincare
- Under-eye puffiness
- A low-effort beauty ritual🌿A skin barrier-focused routine Shop →
NUFIWI Silky Satin Bloomers
Tiny satin bubble shorts with a very specific Y2K personality. I love them under an oversized jersey or styled with something more structured on top.
Perfect for
- Oversized jerseys
- Party outfits
- Festival looks
- Vacation
- Anyone currently rejecting sensible shorts
CUSHIONAIRE Pool Slides
A waterproof, adjustable sandal for the pool, beach, shower, errands, and mornings when committing to a real shoe feels excessive.
Perfect for
- Pool days
- Beach trips
- Travel
- Running outside quickly
- Parents’-house mornings
Aelfric Eden Oversized Football Jersey
The jersey behind the Bombera outfit—and the easiest way to make black bottoms feel like an intentional look.
Oversized, breathable, and already doing almost all the styling for you.
Perfect for
- Streetwear
- Girls’ night
- Concerts
- Casual dinners
- Pairing with tiny bottoms and large confidence
CLOSING VIBES
Watching: The Resident
I’ve started rewatching The Resident, and the character arcs are absolutely insane.
People begin the show as villains, become emotionally complicated, switch allegiances, save a life, ruin another one, and somehow convince me to forgive everything.
I remember none of it, which means this is basically a brand-new show.
No complaints.
Internet rabbit hole: Why everyone is “Choosin’ Texas”
I came to Texas to visit my parents, and apparently the entire country chose Texas too.
An oldie but a goodie...Ella Langley’s “Choosin’ Texas” has spent 15 nonconsecutive weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, making it one of the longest-running No. 1 songs by a woman—and one of the biggest country crossover moments in recent history.
Now that I’m physically in Texas, I’m choosing to believe this was coordinated for me personally.
I knew “Choosin’ Texas” had reached another level when the straight men in my life started becoming certified Ella Fellas. Apparently yearning is for the boys too.
Currently adding to my personality: Regular facials
I got one HydraFacial and immediately became a bougie bish with a proposed skincare calendar.
Apparently we’re doing regular HydraFacials now.
Microneedling may be next.
My bathroom products are nervous.
Tiny joy: Mornings at my parents’ house
The quiet mornings here have been one of my favorite parts of this Texas trip.
Coffee by the pool.
Sunlight everywhere.
Nowhere I urgently need to be.
Watching my parents enjoy the beautiful home they built makes it feel even more special.
I will, of course, eventually turn every corner into content.
But for now, I’m enjoying it.
One little thing: My chaotic-perfect cereal bowl
My current extremely sophisticated recipe:
- Frosted Flakes (light light layer because...calories...)
- A light layer of milk
- Walnuts
- One banana
- Blueberries
- Cinnamon
Somehow Frosted Flakes became wellness-adjacent.
Do not fact-check that statement.
Friendship thing: Bestie rings
Antoinette and I took a photo of our rings together over dinner, and it captured one of those tiny friendship moments I never want to forget.
A new job.
A celebratory dinner.
Several pieces of jewelry.
Complimentary mezcal.
Exactly as friendship milestones should be celebrated.
Thanks for spending another part of your week with me.
Whether you came for the moral dilemma, the restaurant list, the oversized jersey, or the Frosted Flakes pretending to be a balanced breakfast…I’m very happy you’re here.
See you in Issue No. 18.
🤎Gabby
