Career. Style. Restaurants. Life upgrades. And whatever else happens to be living rent-free in my brain that week. Every Thursday. Happy you’re here!
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What’s got me thinking this week:
A few things living rent-free in my brain…
I have been a little MIA.
Between spending time with my family in Texas, working on Ask the Archive, and apparently forgetting that time continues to pass when I’m distracted, I fully dropped off the face of the earth.
Which feels especially ironic because I’ve been thinking about reaching out to people.
I have several bridesmaids—and honestly several friends in general—whom I’ve been meaning to text. I’m very much a low-maintenance friend, and I love that my real friends and I can go months without seeing each other and immediately pick up where we left off.
But “low maintenance” can also become a very convenient excuse for forgetting that someone still has to make the plan.
Apparently friendships do not survive exclusively on love, shared history, and TikToks sent without context.
Annoying.
THE BIG THOUGHT
It’s not about the house.
It’s about who keeps coming back.
While I was staying at my parents’ new house in Texas, I kept catching myself imagining all the memories that are going to happen there.
Mahjong nights around the table.
My mom cooking while everyone somehow gathers in the kitchen.
Wine on the patio.
Movie nights with my brother.
Slow mornings by the pool and dinners where nobody is checking the time.
It reminded me of visiting my grandparents in Santa Fe when I was younger. Their home felt like its own little world—slower, warmer, and full of routines I didn’t fully appreciate until much later.
Now my parents have created that kind of place.
And yes, my mom absolutely ate with the design. The house is gorgeous. But what makes it feel special isn’t really the lighting or the pool or the suspiciously beautiful black kitchen.
It’s what happens inside it.
The meals.
The games.
The people who keep returning.
The little routines that eventually become the stories everyone tells.
It also made me think about the home Paak and I will create one day—and how our future kids might see their grandparents’ house as a second home. They’ll have their own traditions there. Their favorite chair. Their preferred movie-night snack. That one story everyone repeats every holiday even though they’ve heard it 400 times.
And then I realized something slightly inconvenient:
Those memories don’t make themselves.
Someone has to invite everyone over.
Someone has to start the group chat.
Someone has to buy the game, cook the dinner, choose the restaurant, or say, “Wait—let’s actually pick a date.”
I think I’ve been guilty of assuming the people I love simply know I love them. And they probably do.
But knowing someone loves you isn’t the same as regularly feeling included in their life.
The same thing happens at work. I can get consumed by the project, the workout, the show I suddenly need to finish, the new idea I’m building, or whatever has temporarily become my entire personality. Then I look up and realize I haven’t checked in with someone I genuinely care about.
I love being a low-maintenance friend.
I also don’t want “low maintenance” to quietly become “absent.”
So this is my reminder—and possibly yours—to send the text before you have the perfect plan.
Make the reservation.
Invite people over before the house is spotless.
Choose a weekend.
Create the little tradition.
Because the memories we romanticize later usually exist because somebody decided to make them happen now.
WHAT I WORE
The Swimsuit That Refuses to Retire
What it is
A neutral crochet two-piece with brown ties and beaded details that somehow manages to feel flattering, comfortable, and like an actual outfit.
Why it worked
Pardon my French, but this swimsuit is so fucking flattering.
The texture and tiny details make it feel much more interesting than a basic neutral bikini, but it’s still easy enough to wear for an entire pool day without constantly adjusting it.
I have already ordered it in more colors for our Christmas cruise through the Caribbean, which is usually the clearest possible sign that something passed the test.
Perfect for
- Pool weekends
- Caribbean cruises
- Resort days
- Neutral-swimsuit people who still want a little detail
- Packing one suit you’ll actually wear repeatedly
One Thing I Learned
The concept: The Liking Gap
Apparently, after talking to someone, we tend to underestimate how much they liked us and enjoyed the conversation.
Researchers call this the liking gap. It has shown up not only in conversations between strangers, but also in longer-term relationships between college roommates and people attending workshops together. In other words, our brains can remain committed to unnecessary social doubt for an impressively long time. Read the research →
In plain English…
You leave a conversation thinking:
“Was I awkward?”
“Did I talk too much?”
“Do they even want to hang out again?”
Meanwhile, the other person may be wondering the exact same thing.
What I’m stealing from this…
The friend I’ve been meaning to text may be just as happy to hear from me as I would be to hear from her.
So instead of treating uncertainty like evidence, I’m trying to send the text.
Worst case: we don’t make plans.
Best case: I stop waiting for someone else to create the memory.
I Built the Thing I Kept Wishing Existed
I save everything.
Restaurants.
Outfits.
Products.
Travel recommendations.
Random lists someone posts at 11:47 p.m. that I’m convinced will change my life.
Then, when I actually need one of those recommendations, I cannot find it.
It’s either buried in my screenshots, trapped in a newsletter from six months ago, or sitting in one of the 400 browser tabs I refuse to close for emotional reasons.
That’s why I built Ask the Archive.
I didn’t want to create another place where recommendations go to sit prettily and never get used. I wanted a way to turn everything we’ve collected through Gabriella’s Edit into an actual plan.
You can:
Ask
Type in a real-life question like:
“What should I wear to Napa?”
“Where should we go for a double date?”
“What products are actually worth buying?”
Explore
Browse recommendations based on what you’re genuinely looking for—not simply when they appeared in a newsletter.
Map
See restaurant recommendations geographically so you can stop sending nine locations to the group chat before realizing they are an hour apart.
Save
Keep the ideas you want to return to instead of trusting that you’ll somehow locate the same screenshot later.
Every recommendation can also lead you back to the original issue, so you can see the story, outfit, meal, or context it came from.
Because the goal isn’t to collect more recommendations.
It’s to actually use them.
Find the place.
Send it to your friend.
Make the memory.
WHERE WE ATE
Bouchon Bakery - Yountville
The Napa Lunch Where Everyone Ordered Correctly
Brix Restaurant & Gardens — Yountville
Sometimes a family meal arrives and one person clearly won the ordering competition.
At Brix, somehow everyone won.
Brix - Yountville
I ordered the caramelized sea scallops and we shared the Creole BBQ shrimp to start. My mom ordered the fried chicken with a cheddar biscuit—which was enormous—and both my dad and Paak went for the short rib ravioli.
Not a weak order at the table.
The restaurant overlooks vineyards and more than two acres of gardens and orchards, so lunch naturally becomes a little walk afterward. Fun fact: “Brix” is a measurement used for the sugar level in grapes, and the restaurant was named after the level at which the family vineyard’s Cabernet grapes were harvested. See the story and menus →
Add This to the Same Day: Bouchon Bakery
If you’re already in Yountville, the obvious next move is stopping at Bouchon Bakery. It’s a tiny Thomas Keller bakery and a very convenient excuse to leave Napa with pastries “for later.”
Later may mean the car.
No judgment.
Perfect for
- Birthday lunches
- A family Napa day
- Taking visiting parents somewhere beautiful
- Groups where everyone wants something different
- A meal that turns into a garden walk
More reservations worth making
SF
For a Group That Wants a Little Chaos: Shotski’s Alpine Lodge
An alpine-themed sports bar near Union Square with board games, a prize wheel, TVs, and—yes—shotskis.
I feel like this is less “quietly catch up over one drink” and more “someone is telling an unnecessarily loud story by the end of the night.”
Perfect for
- Group birthdays
- Game days
- Casual nights out
- Friends who cannot be trusted with a shotski
NYC
For a New York Pastry Detour: Papa d’Amour
Dominique Ansel’s Japanese-French bakery near Union Square was inspired by his Taiwanese-French children. It’s walk-in only, and the menu includes salt-bread bagels served with cheese spreads—which is enough information to earn a place on my list. View the bakery →
Perfect for
- Coffee and pastries
- A downtown walking day
- Trying something beyond the usual croissant
- Bringing a little treat to someone
LA
For a West Hollywood Dinner: Uchi
Uchi brings its inventive Japanese menu and omakase experience to West Hollywood. The restaurant currently offers daily happy hour from 5–6:30 p.m., making it especially tempting for an early date night or dinner before going somewhere else. View the restaurant →
Perfect for
- Date night
- Sushi lovers
- An early happy-hour dinner
- Celebrations that warrant ordering several things
HIS EDIT
PAAK’S PICKS
The All-Black Birthday Outfit That Let the Silhouette Do Everything
What he wore
Paak paired a relaxed black linen double-breasted blazer with wide pleated trousers, black Chelsea boots, a silver Bulova watch, and his Flower Moon chain.
Why it worked
An all-black outfit can become very basic very quickly, but the proportions saved this one.
The relaxed blazer and wider trousers made the outfit feel modern, while the boots and silver accessories gave it enough structure and detail without interrupting the monochrome look.
It was coordinated with my birthday outfit without becoming aggressively matchy-matchy—which is the marital styling sweet spot.
Perfect for
- Birthday dinners
- Cocktail bars
- Dressy parties
- Date night
- Events where a traditional suit feels like too much
Paak’s unofficial rule
When everything is one color, texture and shape have to do the work.
- Black linen double-breasted blazer →
- Pleated wide black trousers →
- Black Chelsea boots →
- Silver Bulova watch →
- Flower Moon chain →
THINGS MAKING LIFE EASIER
Anytime Bucket Bag
A clean cream bucket bag that sits somewhere between a purse and a practical everyday carryall.
I love that it has both a short handle and a longer strap, so it can work for errands, travel, or the days when I need to carry slightly more than the tiny decorative purses I remain emotionally attached to.
Perfect for
- Errand days
- Travel
- Carrying the things your tiny purse refuses to accommodate
- Anyone who wants practical without looking overly sporty
Simple Mills Honey Cinnamon Sweet Thins
Honey, cinnamon, and the exact thin, crunchy texture that makes “I’ll have a couple” turn into an extremely loose estimate.
They feel like the grown-up pantry version of a cereal-flavored treat—in the best possible way.
Perfect for
- An afternoon sweet treat
- Desk snacks
- Road trips
- Something crunchy with coffee or tea
CLOSING VIBES
Watching: Furious
I started watching Furious on Hulu and the vibes are very interesting.
Quirky.
Dark.
Clever.
A little ridiculous.
Exactly my preferred recipe for a crime show.
It follows an FBI agent investigating a female serial killer, but the characters are strange enough that it never feels like a standard procedural. It was created by Elizabeth Meriwether—the creator of New Girl—which suddenly explains why everyone in this crime thriller has so much personality. Watch on Hulu →
My Current Workplace Emergency
I ran out of AI tokens at work.
On Claude and ChatGPT.
So now I’m apparently expected to return to regular work?
What was I doing before?
Searching through documents myself?
Writing the first draft with my own hands?
Dark times.
Tiny Joy
Watching my parents’ new house begin to feel lived in.
The mahjong tiles are out.
People are gathering around the table.
Dinner is happening.
Someone is opening wine.
A beautiful house is wonderful.
Watching it become a home is better.
Oh and the $80 I spent on Taco Bell after Outsidelands…whoopsie.
Thanks for spending a little part of your week with me.
Now go send the text.
See you in Issue No. 20.🤎
Gabriella
