Career. Style. Restaurants. Life upgrades. And whatever else happens to be living rent-free in my brain that week. Every Thursday. Happy you’re here!
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What’s Got Me Thinking This Week
First Frost has officially taken over the nail salons.
I started watching The First Frost because my nail salon had it playing in the background.
And now?
I’m emotionally invested in a Chinese romantic drama I did not request, cannot stop watching, and will apparently be discussing with anyone who makes eye contact with me.
This is how they get you.
You walk in expecting a fresh set and leave with 32 episodes of emotional responsibility.
THE BIG THOUGHT
Hypothetically, if someone at work told you to shut the f*ck up…what would you do?
This story comes from my very early agency days—back when workplace culture was a little less regulated and people apparently treated “professionalism” as more of a loose suggestion.
It didn’t happen to me. It happened over Zoom, from a male client to a woman working at the agency, and I heard about it through a friend afterward.
The client told her to shut the f*ck up.
Not in a joking way.
Not in a “we’re close enough to speak like this” way.
In the way that makes everyone on the call suddenly forget what their face is doing.
My friend was shocked. Sad. Completely thrown off.
And it made me think about the strange responsibility we place on the person being disrespected.
Someone can say something completely unhinged to you—but somehow, you’re still expected to respond calmly, choose the right words, protect the business relationship and avoid making everyone else uncomfortable.
You’re supposed to be the emotionally regulated one while the person who created the situation gets to sit there waiting for you to fix it.
There are so many ways your nervous system might respond.
You could fight back.
You could fawn and try to smooth it over.
You could match their energy.
You could attempt to de-escalate.
Or you could freeze because something so inappropriate just happened that your brain hasn’t even caught up yet.
I think we love imagining that we’d deliver the perfect comeback. We replay the situation later and write an entire award-winning monologue in the shower.
But in the actual moment?
Sometimes you fall in line.
You finish the call.
You pretend you’re fine.
Then you spend the next three days thinking about everything you wish you had said.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you were caught off guard.
And then there’s everyone else on the call.
If you witness something like that, what do you do?
Interrupt?
Defend the person immediately?
Report it afterward?
Stay quiet because you’re scared that stepping in will make everything worse?
I don’t think there’s one perfect response—but I do think the responsibility has been assigned to the wrong person.
The person being mistreated shouldn’t also have to perform the cleanest emotional labor in the room.
Maybe the better question isn’t:
“What should she have said?”
Maybe it’s:
“Why did everyone else leave her to say it?”
WHAT I WORE
The hair-appointment outfit that accidentally became a whole look
What it is
An oversized graphic tee, long distressed denim shorts, barely-there kitten-heel sandals, and enough jewelry to make the outfit feel intentional.
Why it worked
This was supposed to be a practical hair-appointment outfit.
Then the oversized proportions, tiny heels and stacked jewelry started working together—and suddenly I looked like I had made a plan.
The outfit was comfortable enough for salon-chair captivity but still cute enough for the mandatory post-hair photos. Exactly the balance we’re looking for.
Perfect for
- Hair appointments
- Casual lunches
- Errands that may become drinks
- Warm days when jeans sound offensive
- Looking styled without wearing anything restrictive
Shop the look →here
The Outside Lands outfit built for San Francisco weather betrayal
What it is
An oversized black leather jacket over a black dress, chunky sunglasses and a striped layer tied around my waist for the inevitable moment San Francisco changed its mind about the temperature.
Why it worked
Festival outfits are always a negotiation between the person you imagined yourself being and the person who will eventually be cold, walking six miles and standing in grass.
The all-black base kept everything easy, while the striped layer added enough color and movement to make it feel more festival than regular Saturday.
Most importantly, I did not have to choose between looking cute and maintaining a reasonable body temperature.
Perfect for
- Outside Lands
- Outdoor concerts
- San Francisco summer
- Long days that become late nights
- Anyone who refuses to trust a promising weather forecast
Shop the look →here
One Thing I Learned
The concept: The Incivility Spiral
Researchers Lynne Andersson and Christine Pearson introduced the idea of an “incivility spiral”: one disrespectful interaction can invite retaliation, which can gradually escalate into increasingly aggressive behavior.
In other words, bad energy at work rarely stays neatly contained inside one awkward meeting.
In plain English…
Someone is rude to you.
You respond with a little attitude.
They read your response as disrespectful.
They escalate.
Suddenly an email about a deadline has become a six-person conflict and someone has typed “per my last email” with their entire chest.
What I’m stealing from this…
You don’t have to match someone’s disrespect to prove you can defend yourself.
But refusing to escalate doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened, either.
You can pause the conversation.
Name the behavior.
Ask for someone else to join.
Document what happened.
Report it.
Follow up when your nervous system is no longer trying to compose the perfect response in real time.
The goal isn’t to remain pleasant at all costs.
It’s to avoid letting someone else’s behavior choose yours for you.
“I’m just brutally honest” is usually a warning label.
There’s nothing sexy about being mean.
And yet, people love disguising cruelty as a personality trait.
“I’m just brutally honest.”
“I tell it like it is.”
“People are too sensitive.”
Interesting how the people who pride themselves on honesty rarely seem equally passionate about kindness, timing or whether their opinion was requested.
Honesty can be uncomfortable without being humiliating.
Feedback can be direct without being disrespectful.
You can disagree with someone without trying to make them feel small.
Sometimes “brutal honesty” is valuable information delivered clearly.
But sometimes it’s just brutality with a better publicist.
The next time someone tells me they’re brutally honest, I’m not automatically assuming they’re brave.
I’m waiting to see whether they’re emotionally intelligent enough to tell the truth without using it as a weapon.
WHERE WE ATE
Fikscue - Alameda
The barbecue that may have ruined Texas barbecue for me.
I’m going to say something potentially inflammatory:
Fikscue might be the best barbecue I’ve ever had.
Yes, even after spending all that time in Texas.
We lined up immediately and waited about 30 minutes, but grabbed a beer at Alameda Brewing while we waited—making this one of the more civilized lines I’ve ever participated in.
Then we ordered approximately the entire menu because restraint did not join us that day.
Fikscue - Alameda
The brisket was incredible. The sausage was incredible. The Dino rib was genuinely ridiculous. And please don’t ignore the coleslaw simply because vegetables aren’t why anyone joins a barbecue line—it deserves to be there.
Order this
- Brisket
- Dino rib
- Sausage
- Coleslaw
- Honestly…probably everything
Perfect for
- A weekend food mission
- Barbecue people with strong opinions
- Groups willing to over-order correctly
- A casual date that involves excellent meat
- Anyone who doesn’t mind earning their lunch
More reservations worth making
SF
Juanita & Maude — Albany
A cozy neighborhood restaurant where the food feels thoughtful without turning dinner into homework. This is the kind of place I’d choose when I want something special but still want to hear everyone at the table.
Perfect for
- Date night
- Dinner with parents
- Catching up with another couple
- A neighborhood meal that feels elevated
NYC
Love Thy Neighbor — New York
For date night when the cocktails deserve their own conversation
Love Thy Neighbor is an intimate West Village bar and restaurant serving Japanese-American small plates alongside Tokyo-style cocktails. The tamago sando, karaage, and wasabi gin-and-tonic immediately caught my attention—and bar seats are reserved for walk-ins if your plans are more spontaneous than organized.
Perfect for:
- Date night
- A cocktail-first catch-up
- West Village plans
- Walk-ins at the bar
- The friend who judges a restaurant by its drink menu
LA
Best Friends — Los Angeles
Roy Choi’s Las Vegas party restaurant landed in LA with the same loud, colorful energy and Korean-Mexican comfort food built for sharing.
Perfect for
- A lively group dinner
- Korean barbecue with a twist
- Celebrations that should not feel quiet
- Friends who want dinner and a whole experience
HIS EDIT
PAAK’S PICKS
Proof that relaxed trousers can carry an entire outfit.
What he’s wearing
Paak paired a light-blue striped Suitsupply shirt with wide brown Zara trousers, champagne NOCTA Hot Step sneakers and Prada sunglasses.
Then he finished everything with a silver Bulova watch and JAXXON Cuban chain because apparently the man understands details.
Why it works
The proportions are doing the heavy lifting here.
The wide trousers make the outfit feel relaxed, while the crisp striped shirt keeps it polished. The champagne sneakers work because they stay within the same warm, neutral color story instead of competing with everything else.
Nothing is overly matched.
Everything still makes sense.
Impressive.
Perfect for
- Dinner and drinks
- Concert nights
- Casual date night
- A birthday party with no clear dress code
- Looking expensive without wearing a suit
- Being the best-dressed husband in the group photo
Paak’s unofficial rule
If the silhouette is interesting, the outfit doesn’t need to be loud.
Shop his look —> here
- Prada Symbole sunglasses →
- Zara pleated wide-fit pants →
- NOCTA Champagne Hot Step sneakers →
- Suitsupply striped blue shirt →
- Bulova silver watch →
- JAXXON silver Cuban chain →
THINGS MAKING LIFE EASIER
En Route Honey Quartz Bracelet
This is the kind of jewelry that makes a simple outfit look styled without requiring me to plan an entire accessory strategy.
It’s delicate, warm and interesting enough to wear alone—but also plays nicely with the other pieces already living on my wrist.
Perfect for
- Everyday jewelry
- Stacking without overthinking
- Adding warmth to neutral outfits
- An easy gift that still feels personal
Anua PDRN Hyaluronic Acid Capsule 100 Serum
I love a serum that makes my skin look hydrated and glowy without turning my routine into a 14-step science experiment.
This has become one of those products I keep reaching for because it layers easily and gives my skin that bouncy, well-rested appearance—even when the rest of me is operating on emails and vibes.
Perfect for
- Dehydrated-looking skin
- Lightweight layering
- A glow-focused routine
- Anyone PDRN-curious but unwilling to overcomplicate things
CLOSING VIBES
Remembering: Hayden Panettiere
I was so sad to hear that Hayden Panettiere died this week at only 36.
She had so many memorable roles, but Bring It On: All or Nothing is permanently embedded in my formative cultural education.
Britney Allen transferring to Crenshaw Heights.
The Rihanna cameo.
Solange.
The entire “learn the routine and prove yourself” storyline.
Cinema!
It’s strange when someone from the movies and shows you grew up with dies. You didn’t know them, but their work still occupies a little corner of your memory—and suddenly that corner feels different.
May she rest in peace. Read more from the Associated Press.
Tiny gross joy
Seeing everything that had apparently been living in my face rent-free after a treatment.
Was I disgusted?
Yes.
Did I also experience a level of satisfaction that probably shouldn’t be legal?
Also yes.
See the evidence on The Live Edit →
Currently watching
Still The First Frost.
Two former high-school crushes pretend they don’t recognize each other, become roommates and communicate almost entirely through devastating eye contact.
Very healthy.
Very casual.
I’m on episode 14, the closest they’ve gotten is a hug and an accidental cuddle, and I am somehow still seated.
At this point, the San Antonio nail salon that put me onto this deserves an executive producer credit.
Read my full spiral on The Live Edit →
Watch on Netflix →
That’s all from me this week.
Be kind, document the weird work behavior and never underestimate a restaurant line with a brewery conveniently nearby.
See you next week.🤎
